I’ve watched several videos of people spring cleaning their homes. Recently, I binged both seasons of The Home Edit on Netflix and promptly headed to The Container Store to create a system that worked for me. This made me think, shouldn’t there be a system for your relationship. You know, something you can fall back on when things get a little messy?
Spring clean your house for sure, but spring clean your relationship too. Spring cleaning your relationship doesn’t require a bucket and a mop a la Cardi B, but it does involve time and a renewed commitment to your partner.
In order to spring clean your relationship, the work starts with a commitment. I often think that if only one person is carrying the weight of the relationship, or in this case doing the work, that will get tiring quite quickly. If your spouse is feeling like more of a roommate than a husband, it’s time to spring clean. Transparency moment, my college roommate and I were very close and still chat to this day, but that is probably not as intimate as your relationship with your spouse should be.
Be sure to put things into perspective as to why your relationship feels off. Has one of you started a new job? Is one spouse traveling for work? Are there health issues in a spouse’s family? What major life events have occurred? These can all be factors as to why your relationship is in a slump. Don’t fret, work together with your spouse to get things to a new normal.
Give Your Relationship a Grade
In an episode of the podcast, my guest described how she and her wife offered each other grades on how they thought the relationship was going. It’s a simple concept you can practice with your spouse once a month. You can select what factors matter to you most concern you. Think of categories like communication, intimacy, and quality time to start your grading process. If you want to add other values, feel free to do so. Offer each of your categories as evaluation points and provide a grade for each one. Add it up for the final grade and chat about what you like and don’t like. Think about the ways you and your spouse can improve each category.
Have a do-nothing day
Do-nothing days are needed in or outside of a relationship to help you recharge. But consider it an opportunity to recharge your relationship too. Simply make no plans for this day. If you have children consider sending them to your parents or a caregiver for the day, allowing you the time to slow down and relax. If you are feeling really luxurious, you can wake up in a hotel in your town. But don’t leave the hotel room. If you are at home, try to sleep in and have a little pillow talk before getting up for breakfast. Spend the rest of your day having conversations that you can’t usually be completely present with because of the daily grind.
Commit to a date night more frequently
Speaking of the daily grind, not having a weekly date to connect in the midst of work, family, hobbies, etc, can easily get your relationship into a funk. Make a commitment to connecting weekly for a date. I’m a firm believer in dating your spouse. I honestly didn’t feel married until year three, because it just felt like that’s my boyfriend. Date nights take you out of your conform zone and into a new atmosphere. You don’t always have to go to a fancy restaurant. Check out my date night ideas for inspiration.
Conversations Starters
If you feeling a little lost for words, it’s understandable. Having a mindful conversation beyond, “How was your day?” might have been your norm for years. Switch it up with conversation starters. You can create your own or search Amazon for one. My aunt gifted me with this deck. We still use these cards on a regular basis. The most important component is to have more meaningful conversations. This will help your relationship continue to grow.
Have a tune-up
If all else fails and you still feel your relationship needs a spring clean, consider speaking to a licensed therapist. A quarterly chat with a therapist keeps the fights at bay that’s for sure. Your time with your therapist should be pretty structured. Come with a goal in mind for what you want to get out of the sessions.
Just like spring cleaning your home is necessary, so is a spring clean for your relationship. As we grow as humans, it’s vital to stay connected to the ones you love the most. There is no shame in recognizing your relationship isn’t where you want it to be presently. But remember, you have to put in the work, time, and commitment for the results you want.
What was your biggest takeaway? What tips will you implement?